LESSON SIX
THE ENGAGEMENT (#1)
INTRODUCTION
Engagements
are excellent ideas. They provide the opportunity to think, to consider and to
investigate. Occasionally, in the first flush of love, the big question is
"popped" and the suitor is accepted in record time. Why not? The girl
is lovely with her deep dimples and starry eyes. She seems every inch a queen
who will grace your home. Your heart will say, "better crown her without
delay".
But
there's the engagement period to help you. First of all, it will provide time
to make arrangements for the forthcoming nuptials. In married life you need a
"whale of a lot" of gadgets. In the bride's case, she must select her
trousseau, fill her hope chest, and bake the wedding cake! The bridegroom ought
to fix his mind upon providing the wherewithal for living.
The
engagement period provides time to watch, to investigate, and, we hope, to
confirm your decision. Naturally, you will be together a great deal. Likely you
will be invited into your fiancé's home to meet her parents. You will see her
in varied circumstances. Take advantage of these opportunities to learn to know
her better.
Engagements
provide time for talk. It is a splendid idea to discuss matters such as
personal likes and dislikes, further education, the kind of home you desire,
and the furnishings you must have to begin housekeeping. Today there is a
broader latitude in the discussion of intimate matters. It is not a bad idea to
talk about when to have children, and how many, etc.
Engagements
can be broken. If the closer understanding raises a question about suitability
of the marriage, it is far better to terminate the engagement than to proceed
with plans than later when it might lead to a broken marriage. It is honorable
and wise to break the relationship without bitterness or recrimination and to
remain friends.
I. PURPOSE OF THE
ENGAGEMENT
A. A more serious period of courtship.
1. Time during which the couple can make a careful check
to see whether they have chosen someone with whom they can live for the rest of
their lives.
2. Engagement may not mean marriage.
a. A broken engagement usually represents heartbreak.
But this is better than two people married to each other who are not suited for
each other.
II.
WHO SHOULD GET MARRIED?
A. Two people who love each other.
B. Two people who are well, mentally and physically.
C. Two people whose faith, ideals and standards
agree.
D. Two people who understand that the man is the head
of the house.
E. Two people who fear God, and who will not try to
run their own lives, but will allow God to do it. (Jer. 10:23).
F. Two people who know that
marriage is for keeps.
(Matt. 19:5-9).
G. Two people who have learned to understand each
other on such matters as the following:
(won't
be surprised after marriage).
1. Religion
2. Art
3. Literature
4.
Music
5. Home
6. Family
7. Children
8. Money
9.
Thrift
10. Giving
11. Spending
12. Recreation
13. Hospitality
14.
Friends
15. Sharing
III.
WHO SHOULD NOT MARRY?
A. God intends for the marriage union to be a
lasting
one, until death comes to part a couple. A party who does not take the marriage vow with intentions in harmony
with God's law must not marry.
B. Any person who has been divorced, guilty
of
fornication, cannot marry again lawfully.
1.
Matthew 19:3-9; Matthew 5:32.
2. Thus, marriage is not for the person
who has a
living companion, "except it be for fornication" (Matt. 5:32; 19:9;
Mark 10:11-12; Luke 16:18).
C. Marriage was instituted - one man for one woman
-
polygamy is sinful. Gen. 2:7,8,18; 2:21-24; Matthew 19:3-6.
1. Note the singular
use.
a. Lamech was the first recorded case of polygamy.
Gen. 4:19, Compare God's law with the practice of polygamy ••• (I Cor. 7:39;
Romans 7:1-3)
D. Marriage is not for the Christian widow to an
unbeliever (I Cor. 7:39).
1. This is a good "rule" (Some controversy
over).
E. A Christian to an unbeliever IF the MARRIAGE WOULD
BE AN UNEQUAL YOKE for the Christian (II Cor. 6:14).
1. Again, this is a
"principle". (Not
saying it is a sin) causes many problems.
IV.
WHAT IS THE IDEAL LENGTH FOR THE ENGAGEMENT?
A. No one can give this a "pat" binding
answer. Because it must of necessity depend upon the individual and
circumstances.
B. But every engagement period should be long enough
to make the following evaluations:
1. It should be long enough to learn each
other.
2. It should be long enough to learn as much as you
can about the problems you will be facing together.
3. The engagement should
be long enough so that you
can learn the other's attitude toward sex matters.
4. The matter of both
husband and wife's relationship
to their parents should be considered soberly.
5. It should be long enough to allow time
for either
one to change his mind and terminate the engagement if it is found to be best.
V.
INDIVIDUAL CHARACTERISTICS TO BE CULTIVATED.
A. During the engagement period both can
learn to
practice: (Won't come automatically after marriage)
1. Self-control
2. Ability to get along with people, including one's
family (Proverbs 21:9, 19).
3. Courtesy - at home as well as elsewhere.
4. Wise handling of money.
5. Willingness to live and let live: others
are not
perfect; nor are you.
6. Love (I Cor. 13:4-8).
7. Sense of humor.
8. Discuss spiritual matters.
9. Praying together.
10.
Respect for other people.
REVIEW QUESTIONS
1. ______________________
are excellent _________________________.
2. They provide the
_________________________ to _________________________.
3. The engagement period provides time
to
_______________ , to _______________, and, we hope to
_______________ your decision.
4. Is the engagement
period a good time to talk and discuss important matters? _______Yes _______
No.
5.
Can engagement be
broken? ________ Yes ________ No.
6. List three (3) reasons
why one should break off an engagement:
1.
2.
3.
7. List seven (7) kinds
of characteristics that should be present before one marries.
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8. Is it important to
understand each other about religion? ________ Yes ________ No.
9. List four (4)
characteristics that if present may disqualify a person as a marriage mate.
1.
2.
3.
4.
10.
What is the ideal time for an engagement?
11.
List five evaluations that should be made during the engagement period.
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
12.
List ten (10) characteristics that should be practiced on during engagement.
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.
13.
Write out Matthew 19:9.
