LESSON THREE
COURTSHIP (#1)
INTRODUCTION
In
our last two lessons we have stressed the need for preparation in marriage.
Before one can marry, he must first of all choose his mate. This is no easy
task. Neither should it be taken lightly. The period before the engagement is
usually called COURTSHIP, or some may prefer to call it DATING.
It
is usually during the dating period that one first becomes aware of the
"LOVE" emotion. This emotion passes through many stages before it
reaches the level essential to the selection of a mate and the establishment of
a home. Let's notice some facts about the progress of this emotion:
A. FRIENDSHIP:
1. This is usually the first step taken before one
starts to date.
a. However some begin their acquaintance on a
"blind date".
b. How do you feel about blind dates?
2. There are many important factors in developing
friendship.
a. Factors are more important than looks:
(1) Personality
(2) Personal appearance
(3) Cheerfulness
(4) Cleanliness
(5) Dependability
(6) Cooperation
(7) Ability to take criticism
(8) Generosity in judgment of others
b. Factors (Habits or characteristics)
that hinder
friendship:
(1) Bad temper
(2) Jealousy
(3) Selfishness
(4) Lack of consideration for others' feelings
(5) Moodiness
(6) Laughing at or making fun of others
(7) Attempts to dominate
(8) Holding grudges
(9) Gossiping
(10) Boasting and
bragging
(11) Arguing &
Contradicting others
(12) Sarcasm and cutting
remarks
3. A good friendship will usually lead to dating.
B. DATING:
For
some people the first date stands out, marking a turning point in the social
experience. Others drift naturally into "group" dating, then double
dating and single dating.
1. Some uncertainties in the dating period:
a.
Establishing more independence and freedom from parents
b. Must we launch out
and learn everything for
ourselves, or shall we counsel with parents and sponsors?
c. How to get dates
and to make them successful after
we get them.
d. When to start "steady dating"? (Discuss
pros and cons) (at age 15 yes ... 42%; 35% no; 23% undecided)
2. Standards of Behavior
while on a Date:
a.
Necking and petting:
(1) You can argue until you are blue in the face that
everybody "pets" and that there is really no harm in it, but you
won't change the fact that promiscuous petting is not REAL love, it is a CHEAP
substitute. Chances are that it will have dangerous consequences, and it is way
out of bounds for the dedicated Christian. (I Tim. 4:12)
(2) By "petting" we mean
that rather
wholesale type of fondling and kissing that's common today. It is variously
labeled necking, pitching woo, etc. Many young people today mistake it for
genuine love.
(3) Don't misunderstand me. I am not objecting to
loving someone. Love is basic and old as life itself. What we do object to is
the idea that young people can't go anywhere together without feeling they must
engage in a heavy "petting" session before they depart from each
other.
(4) The sad thing is that many Christian young people
are not careful here (Phil. 4:9). Boys and girls who claim to be entirely
surrendered to Christ are guilty of almost indecent, certainly immodest
familiarity with each other. THAT'S WRONG!!!
(5) Listen to me -- it's all right to end
a date with
a sincere expression of appreciation. No girl need feel obligated to pay for an
evening's pleasure by submitting herself to be mauled and pawed over on the way
home. And the fellow who demands such "pay" isn't worth having as a
friend.
3. Expression of Affection While on a Date:
a.
Basic moral code to be maintained:
(1) A girl's kisses and caresses are her
choicest
possession.
(2) To give them to everyone is to make them cheap,
common and worthless.
(3) Promiscuity in petting robs every girl of her
self-respect and her desirability. The girl who pets with every boy who happens
along just isn't wanted. While the girl who reserves her caresses for the
"one and only" man in her life is much sought after.
(4) This is not only "old
fashioned"; it is
also good common sense.
4. Personal standards and popularity.
a.
How to make people like you
b.
There is difference between Liking and Using!
c.
Can a person like you and not want the best for you?
II. AN EVALUATION OF DATING EXPERIENCE:
Good
times and high moral spiritual evaluation need not be opposed to each other.
The following questionnaire may help to determine the value of one's dating
experience. Let's ask ourselves the following questions:
A. AM I:
1.
Broadening my knowledge and understanding of people?
2.
Acquiring a favorable acquaintance of the opposite sex?
3.
Learning the social skill necessary to function smoothly whether dating singly
or in a group?
4.
Developing self-confidence?
5.
Learning what type of people seem to fit my personality, moral and spiritual
needs?
6.
Developing a warm affection for the opposite sex, without being gushy and
overly affectionate?
7.
Ready for steady dating?
B. HAVE I:
1.
Learned to avoid petting, lewdness, etc?
2. Learned how to maintain my personal
standard of
conduct without deliberately making others feel ill at ease?
3.
Develop enough interests so that I can make people of different types feel at
ease?
4.
A proper concept of the most important things in a good date?
C. DO I:
1.
Conduct myself as a Christian at all times?
2.
Ask "What would Jesus do in this situation?"
3.
Place Christ and purity first?
4.
Resist evil?
REVIEW QUESTIONS
1.
The period before engagement is usually called
____________________________________________.
2.
During this period of time one usually becomes aware of the
__________________________________.
3.
Does this emotion pass through stages? __________ Yes __________ No
4.
What is the first step one usually takes before dating?
_______________________________________.
5.
However some begin their acquaintance on a
______________________________________________.
6.
_________________________ are more important than
_____________________________________.
7.
List six (6) important factors that are important (more so than looks).
(1)
(2)
(3)
(4)
(5)
(6)
8.
List ten (10) factors that hinder friendship.
(1)
(2)
(3)
(4)
(5)
(6)
(7)
(8)
(9)
(10)
9.
A ____________________ friendship will usually lead _______________ _______________________.
10.
Does the first date usually stand out? __________ Yes __________ No
11.
How does dating usually start?
__________________________________________________________.
12.
List four (4) uncertainties in the dating period.
(1)
(2)
(3)
(4)
13.
Should one have a standard of behavior? __________ Yes __________ No
14.
Petting is not ____________________.
15.
It's a _______________
____________________.
16.
Does petting have dangerous consequences? __________ Yes __________ No
17.
What do we mean by petting?
__________________________________________________________.
18.
Should Christians be careful of petting? __________ Yes __________ No
19.
Can one have a good time on a date without being immoral? __________ Yes __________ No
20.
Am I _______________ a favorable ____________________ of the other sex?
21.
Am I ____________________ self-confidence?
22.
Am I ready for ____________________ dating?
23.
Have I __________ to _______
_______________,
_______________, etc?
24.
Have I a proper __________ of the most __________ things in a
______________________________?
25.
Do I conduct ____________ as a ____________ at ____________ times?
26.
Do I _______________ what __________
__________ do __________ this situation?
27.
Do I _______________ Christ and ____________ first?
NOTE WHAT SOME HAVE SAID
ABOUT PURITY:
Jesus,
"Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God" (Matt. 5:8).
Socrates,
"I pray thee, Oh God, that I may be beautiful within."
Jeremy
Taylor, "A pure mind in a chaste body is the mother of wisdom and
deliberation..."
