PREPARATION FOR MARRIAGE

INTRODUCTION

There is so much unhappiness in the home! Homes that should be a bit of heaven on earth are a large bit of pure misery. The divorce courts are filled to capacity with people mumbling about their inability to obtain happiness. Little children are left stunned and defeated by another broken home.

What has happened to the couple that just a short time ago pledged, "To death do us part?" The planned happiness is gone. The home is broken. The children are left without a mother or a daddy. God has not intended for this to happen. Why do so many homes and marriages break up today?

Many reasons could be listed, (as we will see later), but I believe the primary reason homes and marriages break up, is because of a lack of serious preparation. Like everything else of importance, marriage must be prepared for.

In this lesson we want to look at a few facts about preparation for marriage.

A. "PREPARATION" (defined) -- "A preparing or being prepared; a preparatory measure; the act of making ready; becoming fit."

1. The happiness we all desire in marriage does not come overnight or by accident. It comes through many hours of planning and effort by both parties.

2. Like peace, happiness must be sought (I Peter 3: 10-11)

I. THOSE WHO NEED TO BE TAUGHT ABOUT PREPARATION FOR MARRIAGE:

A. PARENTS NEED TO BE TAUGHT:

1. There are three classes of parents:

a. Those who are anxious for their children to marry that the home responsibility might be lessened. (This is the wrong attitude).

b. Those who are selfish, and for selfish reasons want their children captives. (This is wrong attitude.)

c. Those who take a 100% "hands off" attitude of "let the child decide entirely for himself." (This is also wrong attitude.)

2. Parents must be concerned, but not dominating.  This concern must however, be shown many years before a son or daughter gives or receives an engagement ring.

3. What percent of parents discuss the realities of marriage and married life with their teenager? This job is like whipping a naughty child -- too easy to put off.

4. Most parents leave this job to some filthy minded magazine editor instead of doing it themselves in a spiritual manner.

5. Parents are to bring their children up in the "nurture and admonition of the Lord", and this includes a lot more than learning the books of the Bible and the names of the apostles.

B. CHILDREN NEED TO BE TAUGHT:

1. What are children? Those who are old enough to begin to grasp the responsibilities and facts of life.

a. This is younger than the parents might think.

II. WHY TEACH ABOUT PREPARATION FOR MARRIAGE?

A. BECAUSE OF THE NATURE OF MARRIAGE

1. It was instituted by God as the first and most binding of human contracts, and it is sacred in His sight.

a. Genesis 2:21-25

2. It is compared to the relationship of Christ and the Church.

a. Ephesians 5:25-33

3. Woman was created to be man's help meet (Gen. 2:18-24).

a. Woman is to help man attain his highest natural happiness and perfection, mentally, bodily, spiritually, and he is to render the same service unto her.

B. BECAUSE OF THE PERMANENCE OF THE MARRIAGE BOND

1. Genesis 2:24; Malachi 2:14-16; Matthew 19:6; I Cor. 7:10-11.

2. There is no hint or suggestion of trial or companionate marriage in the plan which God has given to the human family.

C. TO AVOID THE EVIL OF DIVORCE

1. Many people have lost their respect for marriage.

2. Many young people are disgusted with the sight of failure.  Many have resolved to remain single.

3. The divorce rate is alarming: "During one five-year period there were 1,600,000 marriages and 400,000 divorces granted. The United States leads the world in divorce rate.

D. BECAUSE LOVE IS BINDING

1. It can easily cause Christian boys and girls to be drawn into the wrong company and ruined. I Cor. 15:33

2. Hard to advise one who is blinded with love.

3. Preparation is made before a thing; difficult to prepare afterwards.

E. BECAUSE THERE ARE MANY FALSE IDEAS ABOUT MARRIAGE:

1. Many believe that love is the only thing that counts.

2. Motion pictures, novels, and advertisements all hammer this idea home.

3. This is why each year thousands of couples become aware of their disillusioned condition.

4. This suggests that selecting life partners solely on the basis of this supposed "love feeling" is not enough.

III. SOME AREAS WE MUST PREPARE IN:

A. PHYSICAL PREPARATION:

1. A strong, healthy body is a wonderful asset to a happy marriage.

2. Illness and physical weakness often put severe strains on marriage.

3. A sincere effort should be made to avoid habits such as smoking, drinking, and any others that are harmful to the body.

a. I Corinthians 3:16,17

B. MORAL PREPARATION:

1. There is no substitute for moral purity.

2. Romans 13:9

C. INTELLECTUAL PREPARATION:

1. The higher the educational level, the greater the chance for success in marriage.

2. A study of 60 teenage brides in Iowa showed that 55 percent regretted marrying before completing high school.

3. One study of marriages in a high school showed that among 240 married couples ••• (Where one or both had dropped out of school) only sixteen couples were still living together after five years.

4. One sociologist reports that "the divorce rate for those who marry in their teens is six times as high as that in any other group."

5. Someone has suggested the following reasons why teenagers are too young to marry:

a. Marriage is serious business and there is much more to being serious than simply to wish or desire. Teenagers cannot have enough knowledge about marriage to really be serious about it.

b. Teenagers have not yet really learned to live themselves.

c. Too often boys do not realize they are trying to find a shortcut to manhood by assuming outward signs, one of which is marriage.

d. Teenagers cannot promise to be steadfast, true and constant to another human being because they are not really in a position to keep that promise. Their growth, development and education are all incomplete.

e. Persons mature physically before they mature in character.

f. Ten years later, the teenager will not be at all the same kind of person he or she is now.

D. VOCATIONAL PREPARATION:

1. "Two can live as cheaply as one", provided one doesn't eat, dress, get sick, or care to go out anywhere.

2. The husband is the bread winner.

3. One must not cut short his educational or vocational preparation for marriage.

4. We are living in the age "of education". It is a must if one does not want to starve along with his family.

E. SPIRITUAL PREPARATION:

1. Are you a Christian? This includes a regular attendance at church services, but even more than this - read the Sermon of the Mount in Matthew 5-7.

2. The Lord must be first in the Christian's life.

3. Both parties should be a Christian.

F. EMOTIONAL PREPARATION:

1. One of the chief causes of failure in marriage is emotional immaturity on the part of one of the partners.

2. Adams' (Making Your Marriage Succeed, pp. 33,34) suggests the following tests for genuine emotional maturity:

a. You should be able to carry a reasonable load of emotional tension without blowing up.

b. You should have outgrown childish and foolish fears and anxieties such as fear of the dark or of being alone.

c. Learn to expect to be treated as a responsible partner in marriage.

d. You should be emotionally independent of your parents and able to stand on your own feet and make your own decisions in life.

QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION AND ANSWER:

1. There is much _____________________ in the world.

2. Does God want us to be happy?  ___Yes    ___No

3. Does happiness come by accident?  ___Yes    ___No

4. Do we need more education on the subject of marriage?  ___Yes    ___No

5. Is successful marriage the responsibility of the woman more than the man?  ___Yes    ___No

6. Do you believe that the lack of information on the purpose, function and the indissolubleness of marriage is a primary cause of many divorces?  ___Yes    ___No

7. Where can we obtain the best teaching on marriage? _____________________

8. List two groups that must be taught about marriage:

a. ___________________________          b. ___________________________

9. Parents are to bring their children up in the ___________________ and ______________________ of the Lord.

10. List five (5) reasons for teaching about marriage.

a. __________________________________________________________________

b. __________________________________________________________________

c. __________________________________________________________________

d. __________________________________________________________________

e. __________________________________________________________________

11. Who instituted marriage?  ___________________________

12. Marriage is compared to what in Ephesians 5:25-33?  ___________________________

13. How long should marriage last?  ___________________________

14. During one 5-year period there were ________ marriages and _______ divorces granted.

15. Is love binding?    ___Yes    ___No

16. List three (3) mediums that give false pictures of marriage:

a. ___________________________

b. ___________________________

c. ___________________________

17. List six (6) areas we must prepare for marriage in:

a. ___________________________         d. ___________________________

b. ___________________________         e. ___________________________

c. ___________________________         f. ___________________________

18. In Iowa out of ________ teenage brides, ________ regretted marriage before completing school.

19. Out of _________ married couples, after 5-years only __________ couples were still living together. 

20. Can two live as cheaply as one?  ___Yes    ___No

21. Should a boy be prepared in a vocation, or with a good education before marriage?  ___Yes    ___No

22. Who must come first in a Christian's life?  _______________________

23. Should emotional preparation be made?    ___Yes    ___No

24. Does being married cause you to grow up?  ___Yes    ___No

25. Should you still depend on your parents after marriage?  ___Yes    ___No

(Discuss)

* Many thoughts in this lecture have been taken from Marriage, Divorce, and Purity, by Joe D. Schubert, Pub. by Biblical Research Press, Abilene, Texas.

Enter supporting content here